After my last post where I wrote about all the progress I had made mentally with this injury, I was in pretty good spirits… until the weekend came.  Pretty much all of 2012 so far, my weekends have been spent prepping for, recovering from, or refueling for long runs.  I had gotten quite used to my weekends being consumed by running and loved that about them.  So when Friday night arrived and I sat at home, I was most definitely wishing that I was prepping for a run the next day.  It didn’t even matter the distance at that point, I just wanted to run!  Instead I sat there in a very sad defeated state.  This continued for most of the weekend.

I knew I was going to be sad and miss running, but after a few days in a funk, feeling completely unmotivated to do anything, I knew it was time to turn things around.  So I enlisted some help from the best resources I know of.

… From My Friends

Last Sunday, when I was in the middle of pout central, a bunch of the Bay Area bloggers had planned to meet up at the lululemon Walnut Creek anniversary run!  I was so excited to see so many of my friends, but I will admit that it stung a lot little when they all ran off and I had to stay behind.

We did have a fun brunch to look forward to afterwards and it was so great to see so many friends.  Pretty much all of them have been in my shoes before, so were able to offer sympathy and hugs, because really there wasn’t much left to say.  The best support crew a girl could ask for!  Mimosas helped too.

… From ART

Monday I had another ART appointment!  For some reason going to these appointments, even though I know it’s going to hurt really bad, make me happy.  I feel like it’s doing something to help!  This week, instead of leaving with tears, I left with a smile… my doctor wanted me to run/walk a mile!  This just immediately turned my attitude around.

I ended up run/walking a mile twice over the week and felt great.  It’s hard to say if my leg feels better since the pain usually started a couple miles in, but I feel like I am heading in the right direction.  It feels great to just be out there with my running shoes on for a few minutes and to have some hope that I will be running real runs soon.

… From the Morning Run Crew

The morning run crew became the morning walk crew last week just for me.  I so much miss our morning runs, the talking and the fresh air, so the girls came out and walked with me instead!  They are the best.

I also met up with Alyssa and Renee that evening for coffee, food and a whole lot of running talk.  Just keeping busy and having friends to vent with makes all the difference in the world.

… From Getting Out of Town

Roadtrip!

This weekend Chris and I drove down to my parents house for a few much needed days away.  Getting out of my normal routine and visiting family definitely was the break I needed to cheer up.  I tried to take advantage of my non-running time and do other things that I don’t typically get to do on our trips.

I usually say no to pedicures with my mom, but this time I initiated it!  One good thing about not running is this one should last a lot longer than the occasional one I do get.

While Chris went running on Saturday, me, my mom, and sister in law took all the dogs to the beach!  Kylie and Emma love the beach, but this was Bella’s first trip.  They had so much fun and were wiped out the rest of the weekend.

All of these things most definitely helped because I feel a lot better compared to this time last week.  I know I am getting close to healing and I know I will be back out there soon.  I am starting to plan other things that aren’t necessarily running related, because guess what, life doesn’t always revolve around running!  When we can’t run, life still goes on.  I know this break will be good for me and that I will really appreciate every little part when I get back out there.  Hopefully now that I have cheered up a bit, I can find some motivation to do some other exercise activities too. 

I have another ART appointment tomorrow and am hopeful I will leave there with another smile this time.  Fingers crossed! 

Over the past week, I have noticed a lot of progress in myself.  Not necessarily in my leg, though I hope that is coming along, but more in my general attitude towards this injury.

At first I was really sad, and I will admit I did cry a few times.  I didn’t want to think about not running and I surely didn’t want to talk about it.  Sadnesss turned into madness, and of course jealousy.  I was mad at myself for doing too much too soon, mad at my leg for not letting me run, mad at everything pretty much.  On top of that, I was obviously (and still am) jealous of all the other runners out there running without me.  But then I realized, that I had been one of those other runners to so many people over the last 4+ years.  I was the one always running while others {maybe} watched with an injury.  That isn’t easy and I finally get that being on the other side. 

I had a couple comments that have basically said that since this is my first real injury, it feels like I will never run again, but I will.  I think never having to deal with this before has made it harder to handle and more dramatic than it needs to be.  Obviously injuries just plain suck, but really this isn’t that bad in the grand scheme of things and my world will most definitely not end. 

I am sure the jealousy will be around for a while… I mean how can I not be envious while others are out running in the hills, in the morning, running far, doing the thing I love the most?  But at least I know the other areas are coming along.  I am making plans to keep myself busy.  I am taking advantage of the downtime that I don’t usually have.  I am trying to find some motivation to strength train and doing other forms of exercise.  And most importantly I am resting.  My body obviously needs this rest time, so I am going to do my best to give it to it. 

Hopping on the bike or doing the elliptical sound great in terms of getting a cardio fix, but I know what my leg really needs right now is not to do anything so it can heal.  At this point I am not nervous about losing my running fitness since it’s been over 3 weeks since my race.  Another 3 weeks won’t make or break that.  Plus I know once I do start running again, I will get it back in no time.  Right now I would rather focus on core, strength training and yoga, and the real challenge will be to getting myself to actually do those things. 

I also made the decision to pull out of the one race I was signed up for, She Rocks the Trails 50k in June.  I did consider staying optimistic that I would be able to do the shorter option, a 25k, but I would rather not have myself stressing over a race or tempt myself with it so soon after I get back.  This way I have nothing to worry about, I won’t rush through this injury and I will come back when my leg is ready to come back.

I have been clinging to some friends for pep talks and encouragement, and one friend in particular has been great about helping me through this.  She always has the right thing to say, that is both encouraging but also brings me back down to earth.  She tells me that it’s ok to be sad, that it’s ok to be unmotivated to do other things, that it’s good to just rest, and that I will be back soon, among many other things.  In one of our 10,000 emails from yesterday, I looked back and saw something I wrote and it was at that moment that I knew I was feeling better about it all and making progress.

However much I want to hate it now and I wish I wasn’t in this place, I am certain that it will teach me a lot of great things when it’s time to come back.  Like everything in life, its how you handle and react to what you are given and it’s just another tiny part in my running story – can’t always be predictable! 

It’s all just a little part of the story, and it’s definitely not ending with this little bump in the road.  I think it will just make things a little more interesting.

Starting with the highest runner’s high after crossing the finish line of AR50.

And ending with some post race blues that were turned into injury sadness and frustration when hearing the words “no running” 3 weeks later.

In between those two extremes, I got be a part of some of my best friends’ big days at Lake Sonoma 50 and SLO Marathon.  Both were incredibly inspiring weekends that I am so happy I got to be a part of. 

Although AR50 feels like months ago now, I am doing my best to make that high from the finish line overshadow the injury low I am feeling now.  Obviously being freshly in the low point makes it hard, but what I am focusing on is that I did get to experience that finish line and have the most incredible race.  I am so thankful for that and that this injury showed up after April 7th. 

Plus there were even more good things that happened in April I haven’t mention yet! 

This month I crossed 1,000 miles for 2012!  It was actually at mile 40 of AR50 when I was saying bye to Jojo and picking up Chris as my pacer that I crossed that milestone.  I can’t think of a better place to have done it.

April finished up with 113.5 miles, my lowest month in a while, as it should be coming off of a big race. 

Who knows what May has in store for me, but I am going to make the most of it, whatever it is.  I will definitely get through this and I hope that May ends with me happily running pain free through the hills again.

While I would love to sit here and right that positive, peppy post, it’s not going to happen.

After my bad run on Tuesday, I got in to see my chiropractor on Wednesday, where I got a painful round of ART done.  He told me to rest a few more days and to run on the weekend (nothing crazy!) to see how my IT band/knee/leg felt.  He taped me up with the fancy tape and told me he was hopeful I would be back at it pretty quick.  I left his office feeling happy and optimistic and sporting the new fashion style.

I rested like a good girl for the rest of the week and my leg felt great.  I waited until Sunday morning to go out for a few miles but stuck to my neighborhood as much as the trails were calling my name.  I stayed on flat ground and didn’t venture too far just in case my leg wasn’t up to running just yet.  My leg felt great at first, but around mile 2 it started getting cranky again.  I stopped just over 3 miles and felt a little defeated, but still hoped for the best. 

I had another ART appointment today after work, so just to be sure my leg was still mad and I knew exactly where to describe the pain, I did another very easy short run this morning.  Once again, the first couple miles were fine, but the getting all too familiar pain showed up just after mile 2.  

I was kind of bummed out all day, having a feeling about what I was going to be told that afternoon, but I again tried to stay positive.  I walked into his office this afternoon and told him things were not feeling good.  “But you don’t get injured!” I wish that was still true.

He dug around in my IT band and knee where I told him the pain was and sure enough, I have a very pissed off leg and it hadn’t gotten any better.  He worked on it a ton, explained what was going on and it did start to release.  But this time I got the “you aren’t going to like what I have to say” phrase prefacing the words “no running” for the first time since I became a runner. 

Honestly, I was a little relieved to hear the words so I didn’t have to decide myself, but I still didn’t want to hear them.  I wanted it magically to be ok and I could be out running again like I have every other time I have had pain in the past.  He told me to come back in a week and we will see where I am, but most likely it will be about 3 weeks (hopefully no more!).    

I got in my car to drive home and ended up crying the whole way.  I know I am so dramatic.  I tried to tell myself 3 weeks isn’t that long, at least its weeks and not months, that I am lucky to never have to deal with an injury before, and all those things I just don’t really want to hear. 

I do know those things but that doesn’t mean I still won’t be sad and frustrated.   

My habits, my routine, my schedule, my eating, my sanity all revolve around running, and without it I have just feel lost.  Going from 80+ miles a week to 0 now just feels so weird and empty.

On the positive side, I am starting to make a list of things I can do to fill my time that I don’t get to do when I am always running.  Kylie and Emma will also be continuing to get a lot of extra attention, as will my foam roller.  I might even get back on my spin bike again if my leg calms down, even though I really just want to protest everything that isn’t running. 

I know I will be ok.  Those weeks will fly by, hopefully ending with me as good as new.  It’s not fun to run when it hurts like that anyways.  I also will let myself be sad, because it does suck and it is a bummer and I will miss it a lot.  I have never been told not to run and it’s definitely a weird thing to hear.  I know my body needs and deserves this rest, so I will continue to do my best to be patient and look on the bright side. 

My running shoes aren’t going anywhere and will be waiting for me when I am healed and ready.      

I tried my best to be patient with recovery after AR50.  This race was a whole new level of running and endurance and training, so I have to expect for my body to need extra time to recover.  Even though I know that, it still is hard to really make sink in. 

After the race, I took a week off of running.  My muscles felt great, I was eager to run, but I made myself wait a full 7 days before lacing up my Brooks again.  I thought that would be enough.

That first run back I could tell my right leg/IT band/knee was not quite normal.  I assumed this was just some wear and tear from running 50 miles, so I took Monday off like I usually do, and then continued to run.  I ran my normal days Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and looking back now, I probably should have cut back on the number of days.

Every day I thought my leg was getting a little better, that it was just soreness left over from the race, but by Friday it definitely felt worse.  I was sad, annoyed, and frustrated, but I wanted to be smart, so I took the entire weekend off.  Luckily I was very distracted so it wasn’t that hard.  As the weekend went on, my leg felt completely normal, so I was very hopeful that by Tuesday it would be back to new.

Monday I got a very painful, deep massage to work through any tightness in my leg.  My massage therapist said I had lots of stubbornness in there, but that all my muscles eventually gave in and released.  I felt like new after.

Three days of full rest, a massage, and I was ready (and excited!) to run come Tuesday.  I met up with my normal Tuesday group and we hit the road.  The first few miles I didn’t feel anything at all and I thought I might be back to normal, but around mile 3 I started to notice some weirdness.  I left the group, turned around early and headed back to work to be safe.  As the miles clicked off, running got more and more painful, and eventually turned into a sad walk.

After the run, I used the injured status on DailyMile for the first time. 

So now here I am trying to figure out what to do.  This is completely new territory for me since I don’t think I have ever taken more than a day off because something hurt.  Sure I have had pains, but nothing that has really stopped me from running quite like this has.  I am scared and nervous about how long this might take to heal and just sad because I want to run.

I am trying to practice patience as best as I know how right now.  I am hoping that with a few more days, even a week or two, some ART and massage, that this will all go away.  I am hoping that my body just needs some extra rest after AR50 and that will be that.  I am hoping I can look back on this in a few weeks and it seem like a tiny blip in my fun summer of running. 

I know it hasn’t been that long.  I know that I am lucky that this is the first time I have had to deal with something like this.  I know that I am lucky it’s not worse.  I know that I am being dramatic.  But I sure do miss running, especially running long.  I miss it a lot, a lot. 

Patience, please pay off and let me back out there soon.

Way back when in 2010, Kristin and I convinced Sima to sign up for The Relay with our team which was was her first real race experience.  After surviving 30 hours in a van, with some tough runs on no sleep, she signed up for her first half marathon.  A few half marathons later she decided she was ready for a full.  It’s an understatement to say I was excited for her.

Kristin also wanted to run a spring marathon and was ready to take a chunk of time off her PR.  After they looked around and considered some options, they picked the inaugural SLO Marathon in San Luis Obispo.  I was SO excited that they picked this race since I consider the area home (grew up 30 minutes south) and went to college in SLO.  They both registered, made training plans and the rest was history!

I was personally really excited to have another weekend of distractions to help me through AR50 recovery.  Plus being their support crew, I could try and return the favor of them being a huge part of AR50 for me.  I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else while Kristin ran her 4th marathon and Sima became a marathoner.

We got into SLO Friday, spent Saturday eating, going to the expo, walking around, eating more and just enjoying the sunshine.  I was really impressed by the expo and a tad jealous that I wasn’t running too.  It was really warm on Saturday and I was a little nervous for my friends, but they hydrated as much as they could and had great attitudes.  They set all their race stuff out and we were all in bed early for an early morning the next day.

Me, Kristin, Sima and Megan 

The race started at 6am so we all got up really early at 4am.  I dropped off the girls as close as I could to the start and my spectating partner in crime, Megan, and I made our way to our first cheering spot at mile 5.5… after a coffee run of course.  As the sun came up it was very apparent that the fog had rolled in overnight and granted all these runners with perfect running weather.

We hung out at our spot and pretty soon the leaders came through.  Our eyes were peeled for our runners and before long we spotted Kristin looking happy and strong!

Not too far behind her was Sima, marathoner in the making!

After we saw them we hurried over to our next spot at mile 18.  We parked the car and tried to make it over to mile 8 (this part was a loop) but sadly we didn’t have enough time.  This part of the course was running through some of my favorite wineries… too bad they weren’t open yet! 

We got extra water bottles and fuel ready for the girls and waited patiently for the runners to start passing us.  Like clockwork, Kristin ran by and Sima wasn’t far behind. 

One great part of knowing the city where you are spectating is I knew how to get to our next points really easily.  I was able to avoid traffic and take the back roads, and we made it to the finish line with time to spare.  The finish line was at the Madonna Inn and the parking was really easy and organized.  We found a spot next to the fence, .1 from the finish line and kept our eyes peeled for the girls.

Queen consistent, Kristin, showed up at the exact minute I thought she would and looked amazing as she headed into the finish line, demolishing her old marathon PR!  I was so incredibly proud of her.

She came and found us at our spot on the fence, giving us some insights to the hilly course she just killed.  We all were anxiously awaiting Sima and we spotted her and screamed our heads off.  Marathoner!! 

I can’t tell you how proud I am of both of these girls and how happy I am that I got to be there to see it happen.  We have trained so many miles together over the last few months and it’s been so fun to watch their progress.  Sima went from being scared of hills and intimidated by long runs to a strong, happy marathon runner on a hilly course!  Kristin turned an incredibly busy spring life into a perfectly executed, textbook negative split marathon PR. 

They were both beaming. 

This race is definitely on my to do list!  I was impressed with how organized everything was, especially for a first time race.  Plus being my hometown race, I have to run it one of these years.  It looked so fun!   

There is something about watching your friends accomplish and surpass their goals that is so motivating.  Watching 2 of my best friends on Sunday definitely did that for me.  I can’t wait to see what they want to do next and I can’t wait for more runs with my favorite morning run crew.  I am very lucky to have them. 

Congrats runners!

I have gotten this question many, many times over the last 11 days and for once I really don’t have an answer. 

Running 50 miles was my favorite thing I have done so far when it comes to running, but I haven’t had the overwhelming urge to hit register on another 50 miler like I did the second the second I finished my first marathon.  I definitely want to do another one someday, but there are less to choose from (compared to marathons) and the training is really, really time consuming.  I have my eye on a few, but I kind of want to wait and see where my heart takes me before I commit to something big like this again.

A number of people have been asking about a 100 miler.  Yes I qualified for the 2013 Western States lottery and yes a 100 miler has crossed my mind many times, but I think something of that magnitude needs to be gone into with a lot more ultra-marathon experience than I have right now.  I am not saying never, but that isn’t something I will be looking into seriously for a while.

I do have plans though!! 

Surprise, surprise.  

First, I have a 50k coming up in June that I am really, really excited for.  I have loved every NorCal Ultra race I have run up in the Auburn area, so I know this one will be no different.  I also have some section (if not the whole thing) of the San Francisco Marathon in July!     

In addition to those races, I am constantly scanning through the local trail race schedules and have jotted down a number of trail races I want to run just because I want to run races in my favorite parks and discover new places to run around the Bay Area. 

While training for AR50, I found that I truly love to run long and I want to keep that up.  I want to build up my long runs to the 20s and just go run for hours because I love it… but not necessarily 2 days in a row like 50 mile training. 

Most importantly, I want to spend as much time running and exploring in the hills and on the dirt as I possibly can.  I want to take advantage of the long daylight hours of summer and just have fun.  I really rediscovered my love for running this year.  I want to make sure that I keep that love around and that I don’t end up where I was last summer, tired and burned out.     

So that’s where I am at at the moment.  This doesn’t mean I won’t find a 50 miler tomorrow and sign up, but for the time being, I am looking forward to running long, running trails, exploring, running a lot of fun races and enjoying the summer.  I feel like I am looking at running with a new set of eyes this year, and I can’t wait to be really back out there again.

Last week included a whole lot of nothing. 

I am a big believer in taking time off after an A race.  This time it wasn’t as easy as after a hard marathon, because I wasn’t that sore, but I knew that my body and mind needed a break after a long training cycle and a long race. 

So, I self mandated 7 days off of running.  The first few days weren’t that hard because I was just really tired, but come Friday, I really wanted to run!  I almost went, but I knew that I should just stick with my 7 days off, so I did.

Not only does the body need rest after a long training cycle and tough race, but the mind needs it, possibly more!  I think one of the best ways I have found to avoid burnout is to take a break before you need one.  Taking time off after a big race, when you are all amped and really want to run, is a great way to rest your mind and get refreshed.  I have learned this lesson the hard way.

So last week I was very lazy.  I ate a lot of candy.  I drank some wine.  It was wonderful.

Then Sunday, fresh off of crewing inspiration, I went on a trail run and was rewarded with an incredibly beautiful day.

It was warm, it was green, there were flowing creeks to cross.  It was perfect. 

My IT band has been a little cranky since AR50, so I stopped the run at 6 miles.  I am sure I had a smile on my face as big as I did 8 days prior.  It was good to be back on the trails.

After my run, I grabbed my camera and walked around for a while, taking pictures of my happy place, while enjoying the sunshine.

All in all, recovery has gone very well.  If my IT band wasn’t whispering to me, I would say I feel perfect.  But since it is, I am going to make sure to take it easy, listen to my body’s signals and try to be patient.  It’s not the easiest thing to do when I just want to go out and do a long run on the trails, but I know I will be soon enough.

My training partner Jojo had her first 50 miler Saturday – the Lake Sonoma 50.  I was lucky enough to get to be a part of her big day and try to return some of the amazing support she gave me last weekend. 

This was a very different scene from American River 50 the week before.  This was a much smaller, all trail race, that also had a lot of hard core, talented ultra-runners.  It was a grueling course, with never ending hills, over 10,000 feet of elevation gain, but all on beautiful trails surrounding Lake Sonoma.  Yes please!

I rode up with Jojo and her crew on Friday night where consumed a yummy dinner and got to bed early.  We were all up by 4:30am the next morning, ready to drive to the race start at 5am.  After a very rainy week, it was set to be a beautiful day for a long run on the trails, although a little wet and muddy.

We were there to see Jojo off on the start and then drove to the first crewing spot, which would be about mile 12 for the runners.  We had to park and walk in a ways, but were rewarded with some amazing scenery which definitely had me itching to put on my trail shoes and go for a run.

We got to see the leaders come in which was really fun to watch, especially since this race was stacked with top runners!  Runners continued to come in, already wet and covered in mud, and then right on time Jojo came in looking so strong and happy. 

We had the infamous “box” from last weekend ready to go with anything one might ever possibly need in a 50 mile race.  Candy, Band-Aids, sunscreen – you name it, it’s in the box.   

Oh and I forgot to mention, we also might have been getting a few smiles and laughs out of the runners during this time with some ridiculous wigs we had on. 

Pam and Erin, the other members of Jojo’s crew, sporting the wigs

We were able to meet up with her at multiple more spots along the way to help her with whatever she needed, whether it was fuel, shoe changes, water refills or just a smile.  Over the course of the day, we made it to miles 12, 17, 25, 30, 38 and the finish, definitely a successful day of crewing! 

As the day progressed, We started to get to know the other runners around her and got to watch attitudes and body language change.  Watching runners over 50 miles is truly a journey of emotions.  From excitement at the start line, to hope at mile 12, to the beginnings of exhaustion at mile 25, to fighting through pain at mile 38, to the look of pure simple joy at the finish line.  For lack of a better word, it was simply inspiring.

Congrats to all the runners yesterday, but especially my friend Jojo.  She truly put her heart and soul into her training and was able to have the victory lap she so much deserved.  She makes me want to run further, run faster and run for the pure simple joy of it and watching her yesterday made that even more apparent.      

I took a ton of pics of runners while I was out there, so if you ran or know someone who did, check out my picasa album!

Monday
rest

Woke up nervous that morning.  The fact that the race was “this week” was scary!

I got a massage that night and worked out any last minute muscle weirdness.

Tuesday
6 mile run

Just the normal Tuesday run with my work friends.  My legs were super heavy, probably from the massage, but I just assumed it was normal race week stuff.  Isn’t that what always happens?

6.4 miles/1:01:26/9:33 avg pace

Wednesday
5 mile run

I met up with the morning crew Kristin and Sima for what else, but a morning run.  With only 5 miles to run, the morning wasn’t quite so early.

5.0 miles/47:27/9:29 avg pace

Thursday
4 mile run

Last run before AR50!  I ran with my work friends but cut mine short to keep the miles low.  I was excited and my legs felt ready to run!

4.3 miles/40:24/9:24 avg pace

Friday
rest

I took the day off to sleep in and head to Sacramento.  I got at least 9 hours of sleep which felt amazing… 2 nights before is the most important!  Chris and I drove up to Sacramento, got my bib and shirt, and relaxed in the hotel.  I ordered pizza and tried to get some sleep before the big day!

Saturday
50 mile run

Race day was finally here and it was the best day ever!

50.2 miles/10:17:10/12:19 avg pace

Sunday
rest

Sleep a lot, eat a lot more, and sit up on cloud 9 smiling.

Total miles for week 18: 65.7

Recovery has been going really well.  I was sore on Sunday, hardly sore on Monday and felt back to normal by Tuesday. I haven’t run yet though!  I just want to make sure I am recovered, both physically and mentally, from this long training cycle.  When else will I let myself take this many days off?  I am very much itching to run though, so we will see how much longer I last. 

Luckily I have a huge distraction on Saturday where I get to be on Jojo’s crew for her first 50 miler at Lake Sonoma!  I am so excited to go up there, cheer all the runners on and do anything I can to return all the great support she gave me last weekend.