Instincts

It’s now been a little over 2 weeks since my drop at North Face.  In those 16 days there have been moments of regret, moments where I wondered if I really did the right thing, and mostly moments where I just had to have faith and not let myself consider anything other than the thought that I did the right thing.

I took a full 9 days off of running and exercise.  I was anxious, but nervous to start again.  Nervous to know if I was going to be injured even though I did drop, but very anxious (and hopeful!) to know it was worth it.

I trusted my instincts on December 1st, more so than I ever have before in my running.  My instinct told me to stop running, that continuing wasn’t worth it, that if I pushed on I might pay for it with an injury.  I thought about the finish line of AR50 and how overwhelmingly happy I was.  But more than that, I thought about those weeks that followed when I couldn’t run and how I promised myself I would never do that again, that no race or finish line was ever worth that.

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I have now run 5 times (all short and easy) since the race and have been to ART twice, all with great results.  Saturday, on my first time back on the trails, I knew 100% that I made the right choice.  As I was running in the crisp December morning, gazing at the beautiful bright green hills, I just couldn’t imagine not being able to be back out there just because I was stubborn enough to cross a finish line.

As much as I do run in the moment, one thing I have learned this year is I will always be thinking a little bit about tomorrow’s run.  Because as important as today’s run is, being able to run tomorrow is just as, if not more, important to me.

For now, I am happily enjoying this little down time and enjoying every beautiful second I get to run.  I am making fun plans to explore the hills with my friends, in races and on our own, but mostly I am looking forward to following whatever adventures my instincts, heart and running shoes want to take me on next.

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9 Responses to Instincts

  1. Marlene December 17, 2012 at 11:08 am #

    I am so happy to read this!

  2. Al December 17, 2012 at 11:28 am #

    Great to hear that you are doing OK! I always find that coming back from not running makes me realize how much I love doing it. It makes me realize what I have, the one plus side I have found to injury. Seems like you have found the silver lining!

  3. Alyssa December 17, 2012 at 11:56 am #

    YES! <3

    And a great reminder to us all, too.

  4. courtney December 17, 2012 at 1:59 pm #

    “as important as today’s run is, being able to run tomorrow is just as, if not more, important to me.” <— love! so much truth to this and i feel like i can relate so much.

    glad to hear you are running! beautiful post, thank you for sharing!

  5. Nicole December 17, 2012 at 3:53 pm #

    You made the right choice! It sounds like you have made peace with it and that you are doing everything you should be doing to ensure you have plenty more runs head of you!

  6. Abby December 17, 2012 at 4:31 pm #

    Enjoy this “down” time. It often reminds us why we love running to begin with!

  7. Jonathan December 17, 2012 at 6:04 pm #

    Thanks for sharing. I recently DNF’d for the first time on a 50k and it’s nice to read your perspective.

  8. Kashi @ Cape Island Runners December 18, 2012 at 12:18 pm #

    I am learning this hard lesson right now. I ran a marathon (exactly a month ago today) and did not drop when I should have. I just felt like any time I had to take off would be worth the run, after such a perfect training cycle. I did manage to PR that day and had a lovely time of it…. but the last 4 weeks have been hell and if I knew now what I did then, I would not have run that day. One race does not equal 4 weeks (and maybe still a few more) of lost running. It has not been fun!! Good for you from learning from your mistakes, I am jealous that I tooo have not been on a Dec run.

  9. The Blonde December 19, 2012 at 5:42 pm #

    You made the right decision, though I know it was tough to do. Can’t wait to see what’s next for you! I need trail marathon April 6 or 7 and I noticed the Golden Gate Trail Race falls perfectly into the schedule… ;)

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