I have had this post in the back of my mind for a long time now, but have been really hesitant about posting it for some reason. I think I am kind of embarrassed by it, but hey I am all about keeping it real on this blog.
One of my favorite things about blogging is being able to vent my inner-most thoughts and have people tell me that I am not alone. I also know that people appreciate honesty and that’s where I get the best feedback, so here it goes…
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I am afraid to race.
I have never been, nor want to be, a runner where I won’t run a race just because I may not PR or am not in PR shape. I have always loved going to a race just to be running and to be a part of the whole race atmosphere that comes along with it. Somewhere over the course of the last couple months, I seem to have lost that a little bit. I have turned into the runner who loves to train, but doesn’t love to race.
I am not sure if it’s because I am in marathon training and I believe that I should be seeing results for all the hard work I have been putting in like I have in the past, which makes me extra disappointed when a race doesn’t go great. Or that my PRs are getting older and older and I haven’t had a really great race that I am really happy about in over a year (and have had a lot of rough ones since then). Or the most likely reason, I am just being ridiculous and too hard on myself like I know I can be.
I have been watching all my friends have great races lately, seeing their hard work pay off and I want to have that feeling too! It definitely gets me fired up reading race reports, talking to my friends and seeing everyone out there getting new PRs. There is nothing like the feeling of pushing yourself, when everything clicks, when all those miles pay off and you exceed your expectations.
I miss that feeling and I need to get it back… but every time a race opportunity presents itself I seem to chicken out. I think back to those recent races where I had not so fun times and I don’t want to disappoint myself again.
I know I need to push myself. I know I need to not care about a number on the clock and just be happy that I gave my best for that day and that is all that matters. I know that getting faster doesn’t happen overnight and things will start clicking soon. I know that I need to stop being so hard on myself when it comes to races.
I know these things.
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Being a runner is about the bad races as much as it’s about the good ones and the occasional good race is worth all the bad ones. Plus you can’t have a good race without actually getting out there to race right?
I have gone back and forth between signing up for a couple of short distance races before Boston to try to get rid of some of my fears, or just letting myself find that love during THE race I have been training so hard for in Boston.
I still don’t know the answer and I don’t have much longer to figure it out.
No matter what I know Boston will be amazing, I am actually not worried at all about that one. I would just like to get my racing confidence back in the meantime, so I can get that feeling of knowing I gave it my absolute best and knowing that all my work is paying off.
Have you ever become afraid to race? How did you overcome it?
I definitely understand that feeling. I’ve had one good race in the last year and the rest have been bad. I am afraid all the time. I like running, I need to be training for something to stay “honest” and motivated, but I am always afraid that I’m not going to have a good race and I do find it hard not to chicken out when I get to that deep dark place that just says “no, you can’t do this” in races. I’m just counting on eventually getting put of the funk…
Yes, because my expectations are so high of myself. A couple of years ago, I went into training mode to get my time under 3h30m. I even signed up for a race that had a reputation of being a PR race (CIM). I felt like I trained solidly. And what happened? I had one of my worst times, ever. Yes, there were some factors out of my own control, but even that wasn’t enough to cause such a bad race. I think it came down to one thing:
I psyched myself out.
I’ve found this trend… the more I think about a race, the worse I do. My most recent marathon, Vegas Rock ‘n Roll, was another one I had been looking towards, and again, I had a miserable race. And yet, the races where I don’t put much thought into, like San Jose Rock ‘n Roll Half and Oakland Marathon, both of which I signed up for THE DAY BEFORE, I had solid races. Heck, I ran 5 miles to the start of San Jose and still almost PR’d. Going into those two, there was no time to build up an expectation or have a set goal. I was in it for the medals (I’m such a bling whore). Another one, Morgan Hill, I was in it just for the sake of the race being an inaugural marathon, so I was relaxed and nonchalant about it. And what happened? I came oh-so-close to PR’ing.
Basically, I need to find that happy balance of thinking about a race and not thinking about it at all.
Yes I have- but I have learned to just have fun and run because that’s what I love to do. If I don’t PR, then it’s no big deal, I still crossed the finish line and got a medal, I did my best and that’s what matters most. So just run, be happy, enjoy and smile all the way to the finish line no matter if you miss the PR by 2 secs or PR by 10 mins
You’re going to be awesome!
I have been reading your blog for sometime now, and have read about all the great workouts that you have been doing. You are an amazing runner and you are capable of great things. I too have battled race anxiety many times in the past, my last race last fall being the worst ever for me. But sometimes you have to step back for a moment an think about how hard you worked to get where you are and reflect on the reason why you are at the starting line. We all want to PR every single race and that can cause a lot of unnecessary pressure when that becomes our only focus.
The times that I have had my best races I was at the starting line reminding myself that I am strong and capable of anything I desire, and all that really matters to me is that I am running because I enjoy it.
So take a deep breath and believe in yourself. You are going to rock the house at Boston.
Hi Aron! I think it’s absolutely natural to feel the way you do. You’ve spent a lot of time and effort into your training and you’re anxious to see it all pay off. The thought of having a bad race can be somewhat debilitating. I certainly remember last summer when I was training so hard for my goal marathon that I neglected to do shorter races because I almost didn’t want to know where I was at physically and constantly afraid that having a bad race would shatter my self-confidence.
However, what I’ve realized recently however is that you benefit from having bad races as much as you gain from the good ones. Although it doesn’t feel so good initially, you will always learn something about your self, your nutrition, your running and your preparation techniques in a race…probably more so if the result wasn’t what you expected. These things you learn can’t really be replicated in practice. Therefore, more racing begets better racing in the future.
So yes, it’s scary, but dare yourself to enter a shorter race. Just don’t have any preconceived notions of how you will do. Don’t calculate what your pace should be or what you need to finish to do X:XX in Boston. Just let yourself race just for the experience. If it goes well, hey, you’ve surprised yourself. If not, hey, at least you’ll learn something.
So go be yourself Aron! Maybe it’s time to let the secret out =) Go RACE!
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have been so obsessed about my time goal for Eugene, that I think I am psyching myself out! I am almost afraid to go there!
While some people might think of it as excuses, the reality is that life (husband, children, job, etc), sickness and injury can sometimes plague training and take a priority over it! I have really tried to step back and remember that I LOVE TO RUN! I want to be able to run for a LONG time! I will always push myself…whether I want to or not. That is just who I am. But, this training cycle has been full of ups and downs. I just want to GET to Eugene.
You are doing an amazing job of balancing life! I am in awe of your dedication. I know that you are going to go to Boston and have the “race” of a lifetime…..whether it be a PR or not, you are MORE than ready!
Thanks for sharing. Thanks for being honest. And thanks for being willing to admit that we don’t always feel positive all the time!!!
Oh no! I didn’t know you had these doubts. I LOVE races — no matter the distance — and I get a kick from all the energy I find there. I haven’t had too many terrible races that have ruined the whole lot of them for me, though.
But, I can totally see why you’d want to wait until Boston, as well.
If you decide to want to run some races to get rid of a few pre-Boston jitters, my running club has races (mostly 5ks and 10ks, but also some 4-mile, 4.5-mile, and other random distances) just about every weekend in SF.
I try to go to the races near my house. If you want to go to any, let me know and I get give you the details. 
They are so low-key and chill (usually between 100 – 150 people) that maybe it’ll help relieve some of your race fears without the big hoopla that comes from all those massive 10,000+ people races.
Great post!
A
I know the feeling. But I also know that getting back out there is the best way to overcome the fear. Good luck. You can do it!
This is so me. I love the training but I’m always afraid to let myself down by not being able to “keep” up with everyone else’s progress. Ya know?
Great post. I haven’t been racing long enough for this to happen yet. But I can totally understand how it does happen. I guess you can’t appreciate the good races without the bad ones, right?
I definitely don’t think I’ve raced in enough races to say I know exactly what you are feeling (let alone ANY marathons – yet!), but I have found that the races where I put the extra pressure to finish by a certain time – I don’t enjoy as much. I’m so concentrated on that time, I don’t end up enjoying the experience. I can say that for at least 2 of my past 6 races. It’s actually why with this last one – I didn’t necessarily go in saying “I’m definitely going to sub-2″, because, frankly, I was getting tired of saying that and not getting anywhere. I was all kinds of freaky zen about it instead — it is what it is seemed to be the weekend mantra. I just thought, I’m going to run it and I’m going to have fun. And I did! And I PR’d!
Running is SO incredibly mental — don’t let times, and statistics, and pressure bring you down. You KNOW you have the ability, so just let your body do the work. We’re definitely all routing for you. Either way, I think you are an amazing runner and such an inspiration!
The only time I’ve ever been afraid to race is when conquering new distances (first half, first marathon, etc.), or when coming back after a period away from racing (yesterday’s 5K after recovering from foot surgery 5 months ago), or if I’m not sure if my training has been good enough, or if I’m really gunning for a PR….
So, you know, most of the time.
Awesome post. This post is very thought provoking, I bet you will get a lot of deep responses from people (you already have gotten a lot of them). I think you are a great runner. Personally I almost enjoy the training journey as much as the race itself. Occasionally I almost view races as reporting to a job, because generally my goal is a certain time or race effort (generally around 180 beats per minute is my race effort for races shorter than half marathons). And going that hard for that long takes a lot of concentration.
At any race I go to, I love soaking in the atmosphere – from the crowd, the weather, the people around me, and the national anthem. I love hearing the anthem to get the crowd really pumped up. Maybe all the track and cross country races I did in high school help me with pre-race anxiety, but I still get butterflies every race I do. It makes you feel alive!
So since Boston is on Apr 18, I think you are approaching the date where you can’t do races anymore since you are so close to race day. Maybe do a 5K or 10K next weekend? That would be enough of a time gap between race day and Boston Marathon. More than anything else, you EARNED your trip to Boston, so you can treat it however you want – I bet the Boston Marathon experience will be amazing. Everyone seems to talk about it as like its the mecca of running, and I don’t doubt it. Soak in the atmosphere, the crowd, and enjoy the journey as much as the destination. I think you will run a fine race, even if you don’t PR, I wouldn’t worry about it all.
In my opinion, as long as you give the effort you want to give each race, that is all you can do in life. Comparable efforts generally yield comparable results, but not always.
I am always afraid to race because I don’t know if I’ll have a good day or a bad one. Then, if it’s a bad one I’ll be so disappointed and embarrassed. No one really cares how I do except me, but it’s still so stressful.
I know that SO well. I’ve just run my ONLY race in the runup to Boston and it did NOT go as planned. I was ALSO afraid of racing so in a way part of me felt I was right to be – look what happened?
But 2 days later the advice above is right. I’ve got that monkey off my back, my sleep and nutrition need to improve, and I am happy with the fact that I was able to change my goal in the course of the race and achieve that. Do it – just to get over it. You will and you will arrive at the startline in Boston a lighter person, mentally…
I’ve always been an athlete that LOVES training, but hates racing. As a swimmer, my best times were always in practice and I never overcame that.
I think I have a little bit more of a sense of what I can do with running. I came into this sport later and hopefully with a bit more maturity. I still love training more than racing, but I’m starting to trust my training a bit more and believe that it will pay off. That doesn’t mean I don’t worry, and don’t get more upset than I should about bad races, but it is something I am working on. Sometimes I even try to make up excuses for myself before a race, so I have justification if I don’t do well…probably not the best of habits
Awesome post!!! One of the best I have ever read!
I am not afraid of racing, I just do not like it, all the pressure, nerves etc. Hm, so I guess I am afraid.
I am a total mental wimp, if I have any doubts, even the slightest, I do not race good. I always need to psyche myself up, think it through, prepare for it.
Your situation is hard. Race? And what if race sucks, will it affect your confidence for Boston? Not to race? But then will not knowing where you stand shape-wise affect your performance? Hard!
Oh boy- this post speaks to me! I am petrified to race Boston this year…. so much so that I am even thinking about not wearing a watch so that I am not psyched by the splits…..
I think we all are afraid to race, to some extent. My hands were shaking before my last race. Before every race I think “what did you do this to yourself”. The thing is, fear is just a feeling. It goes away as long as we don’t give it power. So yes, I am afraid, but I am going to face that fear and race anyway. Take that, fear! Also, I do think that the more you race, the easier it gets.
It is pretty hard to PR at anything shorter than a half when training for a marathon. This is because typically marathon training does not entail hard track sessions where you train at a sub 5K pace. I think these races help during marathon training by giving you a good tempo and by training your mind to the suffering and pain.
Good luck!
I’m definitely afraid to race! But mainly because I have so many stomach issues that I never know if I’m going to make it through or not. So, it’s not so much my ability as it is me wondering “what’s it gonna be this time?” This makes me go into races with a negative attitude and I know that doesn’t help anything.
During my last race (on Sunday), I tried to keep my mind on other things. Yes, I still had major stomach issues but I PRed by trying to keep positive until I crossed the finish line.
All you can do is your best and know that most people can’t do what you do. If you didn’t have crappy races, you wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good ones.
It is nice to read something from you super fast runners that I can relate to.
For me it is getting back to the feeling of finishing know I didn’t settle and not the number on my Garmin.
I get some of these feelings. I think it is similar to fearing a long run, or fearing a tough speedwork session. It’s tough to put yourself out there. I also think it’s hard to PR when you are training for marathons. To PR in a marathon, things have to go right for four months, plus the 3-4 hours of the race. To PR in a 5k, things have to go right for like 18-25 min. And when you are training for marathons, it’s hard to get a PR in races because so much of your energy goes into training runs. I haven’t “raced” a 5k nearly what I’m capable of in three years because of marathon training. I always have a long run the day before!
Maybe these thoughts weren’t what you were getting at here, but these are the feelings that came to me reading your post!
We all want to have a great race and that final number on the clock can either have us crossing the finish line all smiles or with grimaces. It’s the nature of a runner. We’re competitive. Embrace that but don’t let it rule OR ruin your race.
I like races more than I do training because my training is so darned slow. I couldn’t run my race pace in any training session (except on the treadmill) if I tried. Somehow, other runners motivate me and get me going. Training depresses me but the races… they get my heart pounding and I kind of like those pre-race jitters.
Since you do train so well, when you get all stressed out about a race, why not calm yourself down by just treating that race as a fast training session over new territory? Take deep breaths and let your body go as it wants to go. You’ll be mentally more relaxed, your legs won’t turn to jelly and I bet you do great!
Good luck in Boston. I really, REALLY hope we get to meet inspite of all the crowd.
In high school, I haaaaated the actual cross country meets or track meets…I got so nervous for the races and was worried that I wouldn’t perform as well as I (or my coach) thought I should. And that was when we raced twice per week with plenty of chances to redeem ourselves! Once I transitioned to the marathon (with few races between), I got caught up more since everything focused on one day…months and months of training all in one day! Then I got injured and had to deal with that…ran a couple marathons “just to see what would happen” because my training had gone out the window due to injury. Those were some of my best marathons! The ones were I over thought what was happening or what I wanted to happen didn’t result in my best races. The ones were I went out there and ran and listened to my body (and all the work that I had put into it) have been my best races. Easier said than done, of course, and I have a marathon in 12 days that I’m freaking out about, but I’m hoping to remind myself of what I just said and go with the flow.
It’s crazy how I can run a million good 20 milers and think nothing of it, but come marathon day, I can’t stop wondering how I’ll ever do it…our minds are crazy creatures.
Wow, you pretty much just blogged exactly what I’ve been experiencing since October!! I absolutely am with you that I’m starting to get where I’m too hard on myself and there are certain times that I wouldn’t be “happy” to run in a race anymore. Something tells me part of it is a byproduct of number of years running, since in those first few years you’re ALWAYS getting better, running PRs, trying new distances, etc. When I was running track in college, if I got stagnant/stopped improving at one race I would go up a distance…that’s how I went from 55 hurdles to 5K in 4 years…but having made it up to the marathon I have nowhere to move up to now! So I have to go back to try to conquer my old PRs, which at the time seemed like the best I would ever get…and that’s scary!
I wish there was an easy way to get over it – and I really think the best way to do it is to race! (now if only I could take my own advice
) I think once I suck it up and sign up, and remember how much fun it is being on the line, pushing myself, trying to outkick girls, that I’ll want to do it again. I bet you’ll feel the same! As far as those shorter races, my coach is a big advocate of racing a 5K 3-4 weeks out from a marathon goal race (“because compared to a 5K, a marathon feels slooooow”), I was totally skeptical but he talked me into it and I ran my 2nd best 5K ever, and then PRed in the marathon. So from my own experience, I guess I would say go for it! Either way, you are going to kick some ass at Boston…can’t wait to cheer for you!
I think we have all been there. Being in marathon training mode definitely does that to ya though. I know I have went through that myself in the last 14 months several times. Just remember why you love running and enjoy it. We may enjoy the PR’s and great race experiences, it’s not the only reason we run. Take a step back and reflect on everything running has given you. Wishing you all the best in Boston!
I loved this post! I’ve only run one race ( 1/2 marathon) but I really feel like I prefer the training to the stress of racing. I didn’t enjoy my race like I do my training runs. I’m running my 1st marathon in less than 4 weeks (ahhh!) and I’m trying not to stress. I’m just looking at it as a chance to show how hard I’ve worked these past 4 months and just trying to leave it at that.
I’m sure once Boston weekend arrives you’ll be psyched!
I completely agree with the comments about psyching yourself out when you think too much about a race.
A few weeks before the San Francisco marathon, an article came out about how hard the course was and how elites didn’t want to run it (which I think is kind of crap because the course isn’t actually that bad, but whatever…)
I was super nervous after reading that article but it was probably one of the best things that could have happened to me because it took the pressure off. I knew I wanted to BQ but I was so ready for the course to completely kick my butt that I just went out there with no expectations, figuring I’d sign up for Portland or CIM if I missed my goal…and it ended up being the absolute best marathon of my life!
I really hope you have an AMAZING race in Boston and I hope we can meet sometime before then!
I think pretty much everyone who has decided to run an actual race, and then a few more, has felt this, so you shouldn’t feel embarrassed. Just getting out there and running the race is a huge accomplishment. Plus, you train hard and prepare. Where there’s preparation, there’s no need for desperation.
Good for you putting it out there! You’re so right – one of the best things about blogging is that someone can ALWAYS relate.
I love to race regularly… while I’m nervous every single time, it makes me feel more prepared for the big day – the “A” race.
As you know, I’ve had my fair share of bad days – bit it’s sooo worth it when you get a good day!
Totally! In 2009 I just started running and racing so of course I was PRing like crazy. Then in 2010 I basically didn’t race because I was so focused on training for my marathon. I lost a lot of my speed when I put in the endurance training for my marathon and now I’m feeling super nervous to do races in 2011. I have a 10K this weekend and a half-marathon May 1 that I am WAY more nervous for than I should be!
I think a couple small races before Boston might be a good idea, to take the pressure off? But as long as BOSTON is great that’s all that matters right now
I am SO EXCITED for you!
I say you just hold off for Boston and enjoy your victory lap for all the hard work you’ve put in over the last year since that PR. You are due a great race and what better one to cash it in on then the one you worked so hard to get too.
I feel ya on being scared, but mine stems more out of fear of injury then anything else. I haven’t all out raced anything since the BAA 5k last year. Since then any race I’ve ran has been for fun or as a training run. I’m doing a Half in less than 3 weeks and it’s supposed to be run at marathon pace so even that race won’t be an all out race for me (that is if I even make it there) so my next big race is Cleveland, and god willing, I will leave my heart out on that course for better or worse.
I would direct you to my post about Full Disclosure last summer.
We all have these fears Aron. This makes you human. Normal even
You are right about one thing, Boston will be amazing!
YES! I know exactly how you are feeling!! Maybe running a short race would boost your thoughts or get the feeling behind you. Long and short is that you have trained super hard and are killing it in your training. It HAS to pay off in your race….I’ll be thinking of you!
Aron
I would def do a confidence building race before Boston. I ran a 10K a couple of weeks ago – started out fast but totally comfortable at around a 6:38 pace. In my head I thought – I got this – I can totally PR. Then the wind hit. There were 40+MPH winds that day that even toppled the National Christmas tree. I didn’t hit my goal. I wasn’t upset because it was my first race back post baby but it did make me doubt my training a little(and think that I wasn’t in the shape I thought I was in)…..so instead of my 16 miler this weekend I chose to race – getting my confidence back was much more important than a long run at this stage….and lo and behold I pr’ed and got it back. Also keep in mind you are running crazy miles right now and your body is set to PEAK at Boston 
So even if you have crappy runs, crappy races – they are not Boston and your body knows that. It’s gearing up to do GREAT things on April 18th 
I’m going through this right now. I know I’m not in the same shape I was in a few months ago, largely due to the ankle sprain that knocked me out for several weeks. I’ve already skipped one race (Kaiser 13.1 in Golden Gate Park) due to injury, and I’m discovering that I’m more hesitant than normal to sign up for additional races, largely because I’m afraid I won’t PR and I’m embarrassed by how slow I am right now. (That said, I’m running the Chesebro Trail Half in Agoura Hills on the 26th — and I’m pretty much terrified because I feel out-of-shape and slow and I have an insanely abnormal fear of falling now because of my injury — I’m way too cautious, and it’s really starting to hamper my running.) To cope, I’ve been trying to do little things to build my confidence — I’ve gone back to my track workouts, I’m running hill repeats again, etc. I’m just trying to focus on feeling stronger all around, so I can start to get into racing again. I’m hoping I’ll feel back to normal by May or June.
I’m afraid to race EVERY race that I’m truly racing. Afraid of what? Sometimes it’s the fear of failure, sometimes it’s the fear of pain, sometimes it’s unclear. Use the fear to drive you forward. You are not alone girl. We’ll all be thinking of you and cheering you on. NO MATTER WHAT THE TIME! We know how much you worked for this and you wont disapoint anybody!
As for Boston, you did all the work. Now it’s time to celebrate! ENJOY yourself. Take it all in. Your a superstar for even being there! LET GO.
Hi Aron – I just stumbled upon your site and I love it. You are a very motivated and dedication person and an inspiration to runners, especially VERY new ones like me. I just started running, literally last week, after years of depending on (and getting very bored of) the elliptical as my main source of cardio at the gym (besides dance). I am a dancer by nature and training but decided to start running not only as a way to stay healthy and active but because I imagine the day that I can complete a 5K (such a teenie tiny race compared to a full marathon!) without stopping. I’ve never tried to run a race and I’m aiming for the first one in mid-May. You have done SO much more than that so I hope you can overcome your fears. Good luck and just know that there are people like me out there who are trying to be you.
THANK YOU for sharing. I feel like I could have written this post myself! I, too, fear racing. And I put tremendous amounts of pressure on myself. I got myself so worked up during my last marathon I had a mini-breakdown during the taper. Then I thought about why my long training runs went so well…because I didn’t put any pressure on myself. I just went out there and enjoyed the run. I learned to LET GO. Seriously, “let go” was my mantra for my last marathon. Anytime a negative though came into my head or fear, I said “let go”. It really helped!
I had a runnign partner a few years ago who pointed out that, at some point, racing to achieve new PRs would become a moot point and would be much, much harder to achieve. She was right. It’s easy to have lots of race success in the first few years of running because you’re new to it and you can’t help but improve in each endeavor. But after a few years, acheiving better results just gets tough to top.
Instead, I think runners just have to look for different, or varied, reasons to race. For me, in a lot of ways, the race is just the outcome, or maybe better said, the motivation, to train. For me, the training is really the best stuff.
You’re going to be AMAZING at Boston. You worked hard to get there and once you’re running, the joy of running itself and the excitement of being at Boston will take over. I just know it’s going to be great. But if a shorter race in the meantime would help boost your spirits and your race confidence, then I think you should definitely do that!
I also just wanted to thank you for writing this post, and for the last one too. You’re one of my fave bloggers and I think your running story is really inspiring. It sucks that you’re not feeling pumped about racing, but I’m so glad you shared your story. I’m still a long ways off from the legendary Boston, but I know that I want to get there one day. When I don’t feel excited about running or when life gets in the way of my training, I can sometimes feel like I’m failing myself. Your posts reminded me that we’re all human, we all have our fears and our off days – and we move past them because we love to run. So thanks
I’m afraid to race too. I’m not over it yet, or I would tell you how to overcome it, but I’m going to try this “running a race for fun” thing and see how it goes. I think part of it is fear of failure.
Wow, this is such a good post. Honestly, I could have wrote it because I have felt so similar….Last year prior to Boston I ran only one tune up race. I had opportunities to do more but I was afraid of how I would respond mentally if I didn’t do as well as I would have liked. Fortunately, everything came together for me on race day, just like it will for you:) Whether or not you decide to race in the next few weeks, you just have to allow your mind to accept that an all out race with no taper on a 60+ mile week may not produce a PR BUT it is an excellent workout!! It’s obvious you know this but the mind is the devil’s playground sometimes…..I think you will do just amazing in Boston. I haven’t yet felt adrenaline that matched what I felt in that race!! Good luck:)
I think Lam hit it on the head (and I know you know this too, back there somewhere) – you learn something from every race. You can only go into it and do the best you can and see what happens. Good or bad, it’s another marathon, another incredible experience to add to the list. And this one, is BOSTON! No matter what time you run, it’s still going to be Boston. You still worked your butt off to be there, and it’s going to be the best time.
That being said, I’m utterly terrified for my 50 mile – because of the 13 hour time cut off. I know on the right day I can do 50 miles, but I really really don’t know that I can make the cut off. I’ve been trying to remember one of my favorite quotes (I’m not a big quote girl, and I’m not a big country music girl, but it’s a good one) “the next best thing to playing and winning, is playing and losing.” [Alison Krauss]
I love this post for so many reasons. Thank you for being so honest and voicing your fears, because everyone has been there, but has probably been too nervous to admit it. I know that I have personally been there as well, and the first step towards getting over this is voicing your fears! I know that you are going to have an amazing race in Boston, I truly know it! You are so dedicated to your training, and the weekend will be so inspiring and exciting that no matter what, you will have an AMAZING race. I can’t wait to cheer for you on April 18th!!
i’m definitely afraid to race. but i think it stems from more a fear of failure. i don’t want to not do well! i guess i just tell as many people as possible that i’m racing so that i cannot back out. this boston is the first race where i’m entering pretty much knowing that i won’t pr (i’m running it for fun)…it’ll be an experience to say the least!
I am terrified of the time I don’t PR. I have a feeling this marathon will be the one. I don’t want to plateau! But I know it will happen. A race is a race and there are bad and good ones.
I love hearing people having the same sentiments as me.
I am having so many aches and pains lately that I have never had before, so I know I’m getting older! eep!
Great post lady!!!
i am in the same boat!! and i’m still working on this… so no advice from me here.
i think i’m psyched out over my pr’s and know my training paces are not fast enough to remotely come close to a pr time in a race. sure i do like to run races for fun, but it’s not easy sometimes to let others pass (especially if i am running a race alone vs w/ a friend or sister).
i know most of it is me being scared about having to train at x:xx pace, so then i slack on training and then never want to race because i’m not in shape to run a “decent time”.
the sad thing is this has been the case since i ran that 1:34 half in january 2009… 7:11 average pace in a half-mar sounds so hard and i still don’t believe i can repeat (or best) it.
I could write a book on this topic, but I’ll try and keep it brief:
I think most people who are drawn to distance running are kind of perfectionists by nature, or at least driven by some kind of neurosis. It’s easy to get caught up in those feelings,
particularly on days where you’re not really feeling on. I actually went several years where I wasn’t really comfortable with running hard because I was burnt out and out of shape…and it really took me kind of getting out the grind for awhile to learn to appreciate not only running at all, but running hard and actually racing. To make a long story short, I’ve learned what it’s like to be in a position to chase PRs…and to be in a place where I am fairly certain I’ll never run that fast again. And in either place, I guess it’s important to be able to appreciate that you’re doing.
In the short term: I actually find racing A LOT helps me not freak myself out. Boston the last two years has gone SO much better than my fall marathons because I’m constantly out there running shorter, prep races. No pressure because it’s not my “A” goal…but at the same time, it keeps you from JUST focusing on that and freaking out.
Remember whatever you do: You’ve got this!
I too am afraid to race… i always hold back… & im not sure why!
Sigh. I’m right there with ya, sista. I am haunted–absolutely haunted–by past “failures”. I’m pretty sure I set myself up to fail most of the time, just because my mental game is all screwed up. It seems like the only time I do well in a race is when there is no pressure whatsoever (case in point: I set both my half and full PRs at the freaking Goofy Challenge!!!). I wish I had some kind of advice for you . . . but I am still working on this myself. If it helps any, think of how many people (i.e. all of us!) believe in you!! I have no doubt whatsoever that you will tear it up in Boston!!
i think i’ve tried to run a lot of races recently to get over that nervousness. i think it’s helped, although the butterflies are always there. i definitely draw upon all the blog posts i’ve read of other peoples race reports (like yours!) to calm my nerves, give me inspiration and mostly so that i don’t feel so alone out there!
while i always love following your training cycles, i think this one has been the most enjoying one to follow because its the most special for you. i honestly believe that you’ll do great!
I have never really loved to race and I think it’s because of exactly what you just said..I feel like I need something great to happen on race day to justify all the miles, which stinks because I love to run regardless of the clock.
what finally worked for me was settling on A, B and C races. Then I was able to go out and have a lot of fun with no pressure somedays and be very focused on others.
You are one of the runners who constantly inspires me to be better, so it was definitely interesting to see this side of you
This is an awesome post. In 2009 I spent the whole year chasing a half marathon PR and a full marathon PR and I was a little drained (which is why I spent 2010 just running races for fun). Long distance race PR’s are tricky in that you spend A LOT of time and effort to hope that on ONE day you get a good result. And unlike things like written tests there are variables outside of your control which can greatly influence your performance that day.
Here’s a quote I like about this: “No matter how well you know the course, no matter how well you may have done in a given race in the past, you never know for certain what lies ahead on the day you stand at the starting line waiting to test yourself once again. If you did know, it would not be a test; and there would be no reason for being there.” – Dan Baglione
I try to tell myself that. If you KNEW you had a certain time in you, what is the point of going there to prove it? Sometimes figuring it out is where the fun is. I also try to tell myself that all the training in a cycle was not for nothing even if you don’t get your result that ONE day. The weeks of training mean more and you’ve got that training to tap into during future races. I get really proud about the way I run in tempo runs even though I may never see that same result in a race. Training runs aren’t nothing you know!
I think it is totally natural to get nervous about big races and feel down if they don’t go the way we had hoped. I say do a couple purely for fun with only moderate goals to get your love of racing back. I find if I do too many for fun I’m itching to race and if I do too much racing I get burned out and need some fun races to recharge.
I am the same way. Unfortunately, my best solution to avoiding the ‘race fear’ is not something that will probably work for you given your blog. I no longer tell (many) people until after I race. Then the race is only about myself and I do not feel any shame if it does not go well. I can choose to share the details if any only if I want to.
It’s SO NICE to hear this from someone as accomplished as you. I haven’t had a kick-ass race in foreverrrr (and my half marathon and 10k PRs are about to turn a year old…sniffle.) Thanks so much for sharing. I feel like way less of a weirdo now.
Thank you so much for putting this out there. You already have a lot of really great responses, so I just want to add one more in support. I have been there – and actually still struggle with those feelings popping up. I am such a competitive person that I hate competing. Because I put so much pressure on my performance that I end up psyching myself out. I’ve had a lot of really bad races because of that. ANd it can be really hard to come back from that. But as you said (and others have commented), as much as they suck, the bad races are important. They teach you so much – like the fact that you can fail and come back from it.
I think the shorter races can be good for building confidence…as long as you go into it with a relaxed mentality. When I did my half marathon a few weeks ago, I just told myself it was going to be a training run. And I ended up having an amazing race. I think it’s really important to keep the pressure out of those races because the worst thing would be to psyche yourself out and then make yourself more nervous about racing.
At this point in your training though, I’d say you’d probably be okay not doing a race until the marathon. Boston is so close and you know that once you get on that starting line, you’re going to be excited. I know once you see those crowds you’re going to be SO ready to race!
This is a really nice, honest post. Racing is scary, and I’m still not comfortable with it. Maybe your love of racing will have its ups and downs, just like most aspects of running. Like you said, Boston will be a great experience, no matter what!
i have a friend in a very similiar situation. i agree, it can be scary to race but when you really think about it, what do you have to lose? that’s what i always tell myself. if i don’t try, i’ll never know what i really have in me. and i’d rather try and fail then never take the chance. i’m getting really scared for shamrock b/c i’m starting to think about how hard it’s going to be. but this is why we train so hard, right? when you get scared, think about how you felt after that BQ. you want that feeling again…go for it.
I have never been afraid to race, but I think it was in large part because of the sheer amount of racing I did. There was no way I could get hung up on times when I was running marathons so often, so I just did the races to finish, and if I got a good time, it was a bonus. I also think frequent racing has an advantage in that you don’t try to push yourself if you’re not having a great day. The races where I ran the fastest were not the ones where I had the most/best training, but the ones where the stars just kind of aligned and I woke up on race day feeling great. I think if you run a lot of races, it makes it a lot easier to pick and choose when to push yourself, rather than putting all your hopes on just one random day that may or may not be great for you and your body.
I don’t think everyone can do the uber-frequent racing (for one thing, it’s expensive!), nor do I think it’s necessarily the way to be your fastest… but I do think it helps you learn when to push yourself, and teaches you that it’s okay to not always go all-out. Important for a perfectionist like me (and it sounds like you too)
YES! Thank you for this post. I get embarrassed sometimes about how bad I am at racing, especially in times when my training is going incredibly well. My problem is all in my head, with two potential undesirable outcomes – a flat/uninspiring race or a crash+burn race. In the past year, I’ve had more of those two combined than I have really awesome races. And the more it happens, the more fearful of it happening in the next race I get. It’s a pretty frustrating cycle, especially when I know I’m capable of so much more. I’ve been working on ways to stay focused during races and am actually really excited to test those strategies in what I have planned over the next few weeks, especially on new courses where I don’t have the recall of bad history.
Can’t wait to hear more about how you tackle this one at Boston!
I’m a little behind in my blog reading so apologies for the delayed commenting… I have a race tomorrow morning (yes, it’s 12:20 am right now…brilliant) that I’m nervous about so this post is quite timely. Perhaps you have just improved so much already that you’ve reached a point where getting faster is a lot tougher? You are really fast. You could always come race me if you need a confidence booster!